Oh China! I could gorge myself on your endless gastronomic delights (as it happens I'm doing a pretty good job of it but you will have to wait until
I can upload photos to find out what exactly). But the fun starts before the dishes have even hit the lazy-susan*. The Chinese menus are a feast for the eyes in themselves.
In one restaurant, we opened the menu to find delicacies such as 'Steams the Hairy Crab', 'The Peasant Family Slowly Fries the Meat' and 'Does the Pot Spicy Pig Face' (the lack of question mark is excruciating, I can't bear it). And how does one choose between 'The Sheet Iron Squid Must' and 'Pickled Cabbage Old Duck Chafing Dish'? Sheet iron squid vs old duck! What to do?!
The favourite so far however, has to be 'Explodes Fries the Donkey Board Intestines'. At a hefty £5 a plate and a reluctance (on my part) to eat such a sorrowful looking animal (if indeed that is what is in it), we'll have to rely on our imaginations to work out what-in-god's-name is in that dish. I personally can't get the image of a donkey eating chips on a surfboard out of my head. Suggestions on a postcard.
And sometimes it starts before you even get the menu! How could you possibly walk past 'Wang Strotters Bubble Up' restaurant without going in? How?!**
But I fear that further investigation into these wonderful yet 'misinformed' translations would just result in disappointment. For example, on ordering 'Spicy Grandma' if I receive anything less than a firey old Chinese lady, I will want my money back.
* A turntable in the centre of the table where dishes of food are placed so that they can easily be reached by everyone around the unnecessarily large tables.
** Unfortunately it was shut, so again we shall have to use our imaginations.
